Yeah, yeah, yeah, bite me. So it's been like 2 years since my last entry. Who gives a rip. I guess I've just lost my will to blog, and why make anyone suffer through incessant ramblings about how badly my feet hurt today because I crammed them into shoes that no woman's feet should ever be crammed into or that I'm so overworked I can hardly see straight? Who isn't these days? For a while now, I have been replacing blog entries with faithful Tweets, and I even linked it up so that my status updates there also posted onto Facebook just so it would be one less think I had to mess with. But even that has gone by the wayside lately.
Honestly, most days I'm so utterly exhausted by the time I get home--physically AND mentally--that all I want to do is put on my pajamas, plop down on the couch and either stare at the boob tube, knit a few rows of whatever project I'm working on at the moment, or try to read a paragraph (literally) or two before I fall dead asleep. I cannot even imagine how bad it would be if I had a baby. I don't know how my friends who have kids do it. Honestly, you are like the most awesome people in the world, and I bow before your greatness. Thankfully, my birth control has not failed me, and I'm not in that position.
Nowadays, I live for weekends and holidays when I can sleep as much as I want and not have to drag through my mornings, artificially amped up on too much caffeine. I've just lost a great deal of my happiness, and I desperately want it back. I know what it's going to take to retrieve it, but at this point, I'm not in a place to do that. But the hubs and I are plotting and maybe one day we will realize the dream.
But every now and then, I have delightful little moments of clarity and joy that stay with me until the next one comes along unexpectedly. And if I make myself get out of the house and actually do something, it makes having to get out of bed the next day a wee bit easier. I think we are going to go kayaking one evening this week at the lake down the street, and that should make for a peaceful end to what I'm sure will be a hectic, chaotic day.
The hubs and I have been on a diet for the past almost 3 weeks now, yeah, to lose a few lbs, but also to kind of reset our eating habits. It has gotten to the point where we have been eating so much processed food that when I come home from the grocery store, the pantry is stocked, but the fridge itself is bare of any good foods like fruit and veggies. So this has given us a chance to re-evaluate what all we are actually putting in our bodies, and it has been a huge eye-opener. Who knew how much sugar is in freaking EVERYTHING?!? I've moved us over to organic whatever I can find and hormone-free meats, and we've even taken to walking around the corner from our house to the Rt. 66 Veggie Farm to buy as many items as we can. Nothing beats vegetables straight out of the garden...sure takes me back to my own childhood.
In any case, I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want to wake up one morning only to find myself a decade older and still in the same state of blah. Only I can make the changes necessary to fix the issues at hand; I just have to find within myself the courage I know is there. After all, it's that very courage that up and moved me to Seattle without knowing a soul...the same courage that took me all over Europe last Christmas, the same courage that has brought me this far. Just gotta use it.
3 comments:
i miss you sarah. can i come to okc to see you?
heck ya!!! anytime, lady! we are looking at a seattle trip too!
You're back to blogging! YAY! I understand being tired. I feel tired to the very core, and sometimes it sucks juts not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. The good news is that we have friends (like each other) to lean on for support.
You are amazing and put so much effort and enthusiasm into your job that I can imagine you are beyond exhausted at the end of the day. Hang in there. If you know what has the change, you are much better off than some of us who don't have a clue.
Love you, friend!
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